Furtwurtzler Q. Blinglebat
|Hair||Brown and Balding|
|Age||98 (about 39 in human terms)|
|Current Residence||The Slaughtered Lamb Tavern, Stormwind|
- "There are only three things in this world that matter; power, knowledge and cheese. Oh, and crackers too."
Furtwurtzler Q. Blinglebat (Or "Furt" as most people call him) is probably the least-dangeorus Warlock on all of Azeroth. No, seriously.
Furt is of average height and build for a gnome. His features are none too distinctive for one of his people; he has a large head with a bulbous nose and large ears. His moustache is his pride and joy; he always keeps it neatly trimmed and waxed to perfection. He has a crown of brown hair that sticks straight up, but the top of his head is completely bald; he blames his baldness on radiation damage. (Or as he put it: "The irradiation caused my hair to fall out prematurely. Curse you, Thermaplugg!")
His equipment, while nothing too impressive, is always kept as neat and clean as possible. His pack, however, is often stuffed with all manner of oddments and alleged artifacts. Most of these are junk and of no occult value whatsoever. It also has a shiny thermos flask and an excellent selection of cheeses and crackers for emergencies.
He is rarely seen without his Imp minion,
Any idiot could see that Furtwurtzler is not cut out for the life of an adventurer. Unfortunately, Furtwurtzler is not just any ordinary idiot.
Furthwurtzler's driving goal is the acquisition of what he calls Real Ultimate Power. He believes that this power can be found by plumbing the depths of the demonic arts. To this end, he searches far and wide for anything that will lead him to his goals. Unfortunately, most of his discoveries usually turn out to be just junk. Of course, it usually takes him hours of research to reveal that the strangely-shaped rock he picked up is, indeed, just a strangely-shaped rock.
Unlike many Warlocks, Furtwurtzler is not sinister or malicious, and has no desire to conquer or dominate others. He just wants to be the very best Warlock in the world. He is far from capable, and is actually something of a coward. If faced with danger, he can be relied upon to run away as fast as possible. He rather gullible and easily overestimates his abilities, which only further compounds the problem. Anything that goes wrong, no matter what it may be, will always be blamed on Mekengineer Thermaplugg, as if not for him, Furt would be back in his home, putting his feet up and drinking coffee.
On the upside, he's glad so many young people are taking an interest in the demonic arts.
Professor Furtwurtzler Q. Blinglebat, PH(o)D
Furtwurtzler's life was one of relative boredom and comfort. He had a job as a Lecturer in Theoretical Demonology at Gomeregan University, which in essence paid him to engage in his sole passion. He would spend hours plumbing over pages of lore to discover the secrets of Demonology and the legends of the Real Ultimate Power that they would unlock. It was his hope that, through his study, he could become the most powerful Warlock on all of Azeroth. He had dedicated decades to his work, but knew that he had a lot more to go.
And then came then nuclear meltdown that destroyed Gomeregan.
Furtwurtzler managed to escape the disaster unharmed. However, in the process, all his research, all the materials he had gathered, all the books he had poured over were lost. He was left with little more then the clothes on his back and a sharpened letter opener. However, he knew that he wasn't completely helpless. He still had all his knowledge, all that he had learned over the last few decades. And now he had the chance to put it into action.
To this extent, he embarked on a journey to discover the true secrets of Demonology. Through those, he could gain Real Ultimate Power, and become the most powerful warlock in the history of Azeroth. He vowed that he would not rest until he had learned all that there was to learn, and would wield power that defied all comprehension!
But first he would have some cheese and crackers.
And, of course, cheese!
In his quest for Real Ultimate Power, Furtwurtzler travelled the length and breadth of the world, both the Eastern Kingdoms and the recently rediscovered continent of Kalimdor. In doing such, he faced many dangerous foes. And by “faced”, he actually meant “ran away from at high speed”. It was rare that he would actually directly confront an enemy; only when actually faced with something that he was confident he could defeat – or knew he couldn’t escape – would he actually fight.
During this time, Furtwurtzler made the acquaintance of several other adventurers; most notably FJ a Night Elf warrior, and Anastasia Zogstra, a paladin. These two would, on occasion, work with him to achieve various goals or face various foes; while a Warlock seemed anathema to their beliefs, the simple fact was that both of them saw him as being largely harmless. In fact, FJ found him to be kind of funny.
For the most part, however, he would retire to his personal research facility, being the common room of the Slaughtered Lamb tavern in Stormwind. It was there that he would pour over ancient tomes and worthless junk artefacts in the hope of unlocking Real Ultimate Power. He didn’t finds much, but he did eat a lot of nice cheese and crackers. He also met a young human Warlock named Verien who would prove to be vital to his academic future.
Crackers Don’t Matter
After an expedition to Azshara, Verien returned with a trio of runestones. Eager to unlock their secrets, she and Furtwurtzler poured over them, trying to determine what they were for. Finally, after long hours of research (and a lot of cheese and crackers), he and Verien activated the stones in the Lamb’s catacombs, resulting in the summoning and binding of a Felguard.
To Furtwurtzler, this was an amazing breakthrough; it proved his own theorem of the Conservation of Demonic Energy, a complicated series of formulas that compared mana to output ratios, demonic mass, growth in ability over time in both Warlock and minion, the upper caps of Doomguards and Infernals and how all of this related to Alexi Barov. Excited, he presented his theorem to the remaining faculty of Gnomregan University, who hailed it as the greatest breakthrough in Applied Demonology since the discovery of the Voidwalker.
Furtwurtzler may not have had Real Ultimate Power, but he did have a theorem. And that was a good start.
Wait, when did you get dangerous?
Apparently hearing of his huge successes, Furtwurtzler came to the attention of a private army known as the Lawn Ornaments. Approached by their leader, the possibly nonexistent Mobead Headkicker, he joined their crusade to better all Gnomekind by defeating the Dark Irons, or something. At the same time, he saw his alliance with the Ornaments as an excellent way to further his own quest for Real Ultimate Power.
Using his own theorem, he was able to summon and bind his own Felguard, the ferocious Crzjgwldic. More amazingly, based on information recovered from the Black Temple, he was able to construct a spell that allowed him to, for short periods, transform into an empowered, demonic form similar to those used by Illidan Stormrage and his Demon Hunter followers.
Armed with these new abilities as well as a group of fierce – if potentially non-existant – allies, Furtwurtlzer boldy set out to seek out Real Ultimate Power. Along the way, he encoutnered several of his former travelling companions who were earnestly surprised at Furt's newfound ability to do... well... anything, really.
Furtwurtzler's first (and, for a long time, only) minion,
Beltuk Abatip is a very disagreeable little imp. He spends most of his time whining and complaining at his master, and makes no secret of the fact that he would rather that Furtwurtzler died a horrible, screaming death, if only to free Beltuk Abatip from his service. Furtwurtzler seems to be completely ignorant of how his minion feels, and sees him as a valued asset in his quest.
Beltuk Abatip can usually be found lying dead on the ground as Furtwurtzler runs. Fast.
After writng the theorem that made summoning a Felguard possible, Furtwurtzler endevoured to actually summon one. This was no mean feat – Furt had been unable to so far summon anyhting beyond an Imp. None the less, he persisted, if only to prove the viability of his theorems in action. That numerous other Warlocks had been able to do such, while he, the one who actually came up with the idea hadn't probably didn't help.
However, armed with a thesis and a fair sized serving of Garadar Sharp, he managed to summon up the courage needed to actually summon one. And, more surpisingly, it actually worked. Since then, Furt has been far more capable; possibly simply because there is a large, dangerous demon between him and the monsters.