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This Article is really, really bad. Read on at your own risk! I mean it, man! Going on is a bad idea!
This Article: Hogger Gnollwhisperer, is property of Lord Hogger; plez do not edit this fiction without the Writer's permission. Though feel free to point out his typoes. He makes lots of them
- "He was the most amazingly awesomesauce cool incredible Gnoll I ever saw. I just messed my pants"
- —King Grunty McChinthrust after witnessing Hogger's headbutting ability
Hogger Gnollwhisperer was a Gnoll Warrior of the Riverpaw Empire. He served with the Riverpaw Empire, as well as doinf warrior DPS and bleeds and stuff like that as well as his regular Headbutts. He served with the Riverpaw Empire across Northrend, in several battles, including the Battle of Joe Momma’s house. He, however, met his end when he was killed by teh Lich King in Icecrown. He became a magical spirit by teh Lich King's side, now killing those he once fought for becuse there’s no way that getting killed could actually kill him. He’s my character and I say he’s awesome!
Early Life (Levels 0-6)Edit
Hogger was spawned in River’s Edge in Elwynn Forest. He was born to NPC mobs; he was not born in so far a GM just placed him into existence, and would become a great member of the Riverpaw Empire, boy is this a long sentence or what, I mean, these things have nothing to do with each other anyway, but I suppose I need to remind everyone about how awesome he is or something, which I don’t think I’ve done in a comma or two. When he was two levels old, he, along with other Gnoll children, were sent to boot camp. In boot camp, he was mainly taught about the ways of yiffing, and the guidance it brings to them. After revealing that he wants to study abrupt tense changes, other children started to make fun of his sudden and abrupt sentence endings. He was treated badly because he did not want to fight in his underpants and cut Low level player characters to pieces. Because of this, he often returned home to his NPC parents in River’s edge depressed and upset. He would say that 'he would show them, one day', while climbing a book tower with a sniper rifle. Wait, who wrote this crap?
By the level four, he had became quite talented at melee DPS, especially Headbutting, which was revealed when he nutted Princess and the Porcine Entoruage all the way to Westfall. Despite the fact that children still bullied him, Hogger was happier because his carers and teachers nurtured his gift for Glasgow Kissing. He could be able to light his own farts (looks back at what he just wrote. Huh?), creating a illuminating light which would shine even in the darkest of dark. Well, that and he set his tail on fire. He would keep on practising the art of the Headbutt because he really wasn’t that good at much else.
At level 6, Hogger was very talented at performing his headbutt. He was even happier, mainly because those who bullied his were scared he could bash them into the next zone, while they had only learned how to whack off. He could headbutt a mob so hard that it would stagger in place for five minutes before wandering off in search of hula girls. Mmm... Hula Girls. His bashing things with a stick ability was incredibly advanced for a gnoll of his age, especially his skill with the mighty Flindbar. Being able to bash sentence fragments into the ground, which people rejoinced. His kicking things and stuff blowing up research had helped his come up with new ways to kick things and make stuff blow up. Hogger was ready to move onto the next school in his life, along with his ex-enemies. He joined the Riverpaw School of sniffing your butt, like his peers, three months before his birthday (Smarch 13th).
Teenage Life (Levels 6-10 Elite)Edit
Hogger, now a very awesome headbutter, had entered the Riverpaw School of sniffing your butt (to reiterate what I just wrote last line), were his Teachers improved his headbutting abilities, while his peers simply learned how to block incoming attacks with their faces. He had now learned his purpose in life, to serve the Riverpaw Empire with his amazing abilities, to headbutt people he didn’t like into oblivion and to write incredibly self-congratulatory wiki articles about how awesome he was.
At level 7, Hogger entered Pubirty, which frightened him, mainly because he didn’t know what “Pubirty” was. After realising that he meant ‘’’“Puberty”’’’, he was told by his Generic NPC parents never to say it again. That and Mussolini. He found that his voice got reall low, that he began to smell bad and he got hair in awkward places. Well, Awkward for a gnoll, which is saying a lot. He was mainly focused on his headbutting, but as the months passed by, he started to become more attracted to the males in his school, which was even more awkward. One in particular, Lieutenant Fangore, was Hogger's 'crush' right up until the point that Fangore pointed out that some Gnolls had different bits and are called “girls”, and Hogger should be interested in those instead. Never-the-less, he still focused on his studies deeply, and began to perform headbutts at greater levels than ever before. His teachers often saying that he has a larger headbutt ability than the a pub full of drunken Irishmen. And sentence fragments. He often performed for the village, by causing headbutting forty-man level one Gnome raids into oblivion and doing happydances in his underdacks. He could feel happy, knowing that he was impressing Fangore, despite the fact that Fangore kept pointing him to the girly Gnolls.
By level eight, Hogger was in a one-year relationship with Lieutenant Fangore... ‘s sister!, the very same person who made fun of his when he was level three. Fangore ...’s sister! was warrior-like, and Hogger found ever bit of hi - her interesting. Hogger was still focused on impressing his parents, the village, and his school. He made money for his family by farming low-level mobs and trading in their vendor trash.
At level nine, Hogger was fully grown, and old enough to join the Riverpaw Empire army, or the high council of mobs. He was preparing to leave his parents to join the Army, unfortnatly, Hogger was dumped by Fangore....’s sister two weeks before he left for the army, in the final two weeks of living with his parents, he was incredibly depressed and locked himself in the basement listening to depressing music. All up until the fifth-to-last day, were he got over the break up. But, five days later, he tearfully left his parents, who had taken care of his all his life, and walked out of his house, one last time. There was much rejoincing.
For two years, he served the Riverpaw Empire in the war against the Player Characters and Wiki Editors, mainly in the Outland. (the Outland?) He also fought the Burning Legion, he often explored the vast lands of the unknown behind his house, headbutting the heavy number of mobs that other people had already DPSed down so he could steal the kills then ninja the loot. He researched the mysterious nature of the wilds of the Dark Iron Outhouse in Searing Gorge (there was a Dwarf in it!), and the plains of Western Plaugelands (there’s an Outhouse there too!). He would serve in the Outland (huh) for over five years, spending most of it hopelessly lost before realising that he was, indeed, still behind his house.
The Battle of Joe Momma’s HouseEdit
Hogger had rosen maiden quickly through the ranks, mainly by leaping into the frame whenever there was someone important around and getting such a high enemy kill count through vunching. By the time of the Battle of Joe Momma’s House, he was a high enough rank to command the soldiers of the Riverpaw Empire to push the Legion out of the land. Unlike most commanders, he fought on the front lines with his soldiers as opposed to giving them orders. Or something. During the battle, he was attacked by a Blood Elf war group, the majority of the group he was with were killed. Lousy stinky Blood Elves! Think they’re so important, like they’re some awesome empire some guy made up on a private server and all! However, he used his mighty headbutt to cut through his captures and nut them to Thursday Next. He then waited for two days, trying to avoid Horde/Legion slashfic by hiding in the Dark Iron outhouse. He was eventually found and he returned to the battle by the scruff of his neck because he had wasted all the loo paper. In the main battle to get the Legion out of living room of Joe Momma’s House, he was assaulted by tens of soldiers, his allies being 18 heavily trained soldiers. The attackers had put up a good fight, but were all eventually beaten by Hogger and his soldiers. Yay Hogger, he’s awesome and unbeatable and never looses too!
Hogger then lead the final assault against the Burning Legion, which would push them back into the kitchen, and hopefully, out of Joe Momma’s Hounse. The Operation would turn out a semi-detached sucess. Hogger took part in the bloodthirsty, unmercifull attack. Hogger was captured in one of the forge camps, but due to intense fighting, Hogger escaped in less than an hour by destroying one of their Troop Transport teleporters with one of their own cannons. By the end, the Forge Camps were barely still around, and the surviving Burning Legion pretended to be dead. The Alliance forces left, ridding most of Joe Momma’s House of the Burning Legion.
Soon after the battle, the Alliance needed Hogger to lead the forces of the Alliance in Northrend because he was so successful at getting captured repeatedly.
The Icecrown Campaign and Death and StuffEdit
The Wrath of teh Lich King had made a large expansion pack release across Azeroth while the Alliance and Horde were focused on the Burning Legion. The Riverpaw Empire quickly rallied it's forces back in Azeroth to fight teh Lich King. Hogger had fought across Northrend for a few months by the time of the Icecrown Campaign, mainly being lost and confused and looking for the potty.
Hogger was in a meeting with other officials, mainly out of the Argent Crusade. After a small negotiation, the plans were made, and Hogger led his forces past the Scourge barricades while otherp oeple stayed behind and sniggered a lot at him, his army literally burnt there way through the strong barricade of proper grammar and word use. He led several Missions across Icecrown, defeating several Scourge, and forcing teh Lich King to retreat to the Shadow Vault; after all, the loss of two skeletons and one small ghoul was such a severe blow. He was to make the assault on the Shadow Vault three months prior to the Wrath of teh Lich King expansion, but couldn’t do achieve his aims because it was still in Beta. After waiting for the release and patching, Hogger led his assault, at first easily defeating the undead defenders, he dueled in headbutts with several undead mages, warlocks, priests and accoutnants. Eventually, Arthas himself came out of the Shadow Vault. He started to inflict massive casualties upon the army at the stairs. Eventually, Arthas found Hogger, and Arthas began to speak to his, telling his of the joys of Undeath, of how peace can be brought if the fighting shall stop, of course he was lying, but Hogger atleast listened close enough to let his guard down, even telling teh Lich King to end the mass killing, instead, he stabbed Hogger, killing him. Dumbarse!
The Counter AttackEdit
The Battle was failure, and the army of the alliance at the Shadow Vault, had been converted into mindless minions of the Scourge; pursuing the everlasting goal of teh Lich King. But, after the convertion, teh Lich King got out his spell checker. He then returned to Hogger's dead body, and he rose Hogger's spirit, looking exactly the same as his previous body, except ghostly. Becuse he was a ghost and all. Yep. Since being transformed by teh Lich King into something new, he was unwillingly blindly loyal to teh Lich King, and believed the living to vile, disgusting creatures and should be annhilated. This makes sense if you’ve ever seen his parents. Still being able to use his amazingly powerful headbutt, he easily rose through the ranks of the scourge, eventually becoming one of teh Lich King's personal assistants. He led the armies of the Scourge to tear apart the Alliance and Horde units back down to their main base, the Argent Vangaurd. Doing so easily succesfully. Sentance fragments. Make Gnoll look like uber-competent godboy. Rejoincing. At the time of the Wrath of teh Lich King expansion, he is a highly respected member of the scourge, and ghouls would die for his loyalty. Like Ghouls get a choice in the matter or something. Eventually, he was given a building of his own, guarded by hundred if not thousands of the Undead horror, the place is known as Icecrown Emerald.
In Wrath of teh Lich KingEdit
In an upcoming patch for World of Warcraft, Hogger will be the leading boss in the 25 man raid of Icecrown Outhouse, right above Icecrown Citadel, floating in a hung sentence. Thousands of undead will guard the place, and teh Lich King himself will make an appearence in this instance, although he is not killable. Hogger will have 2.750 Million Health which is less then a Naxx-10 boss, but hey! When defeated (at 7,500 health), three warlock/mage mixture undeads will come in, and quickly shield Hogger, which is unpassable, the undeads will then teleport Hogger to safety, though it is unknown as of yet where. Becuse there’s no way at all that my awesome character can be defeated by anyone becuse they’re AWESOME! And Better then all your characters! And you need to put together a raid to see how AWESOME they are! Um, where was I? Oh yeah! The Three Hula Girls are then the final three mini-bosses, each having 250,000 health. Pussies.
Spoilers start here. Read on at your own risk!
In Icecrown Citadel: Lieutenant FangoreEdit
After the death of Arthas Menethil, teh former Lich King, Hogger has been cursed, he lost his will and broke into Icecrown Citadel, smashing the new Lich King Lieutenant Fangore from his icy state. Hogger, having a need for leadership, finds a way to corrupt the once holy Fangore with his sensual rhythmic dancing. With an even more powerful person than Arthas controlling the armour and weapon of teh Lich King (NATURALLY!), the Scourge has become more expansive. They need to cut down on the pie. Mmm, pie. In the new quest Enter the Citadel, Hogger reveals herself once again with a corrupted, and pure evil, Lieutenant Fangore. The Eastvale Logging Camp are soon destroyed, nearly killing Terry Palin in the process. Quests afterwards are about saving survivors until the new Icecrown Outhouse is released, with Lieutenant Fangore and Hogger being the main bosses.
Dialouge in Enter the Outhouse Quest:
The whole quest is a cutscene
(The Argent Crusaders, Marshal Dhugan, Ma Stonefield, Remmy “Two Times”, Drusilla LaSalle and Redshirt Hellscream, the brother of Garrosh and the Alliance and Horde, mounted and ground troops alike, stand at the outskirts of the Eastville Logging Camp grounds.)
Terry Palin: I’m a lumberjack and I’m okay! I sleep all night and I work all day!
(The soldiers cheer)
Terry Palin: I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea!
(The soldiers cheer again)
Terry Palin: I’m a lumberjack-
(Suddenly, the mountain between Goldshire and the Logging Camp cracks open, rocks and boulders fly towards the tournament, destroying the centre building. screams are heard)
Terry Palin: What is this madness!?
(Two Dark Shadows move through the dark area, several hundred scourge catapluts appear from the shadows. The Soldiers ready themselves. One shadow then reveals itself, the ghost of Hogger Gnollwhisperer)
Marshall Dhugan: Hogger? Or is it some other Gnoll? They all use the same model!
Hogger Gnollwhisperer: (laughing victouriously) Palin you poor fool.
(The Soldiers lift their weapons, the adventurers stare at the Scourge Leader)
Terry Pallin: Hogger, what has become of you?7
Hogger Gnollwhisperer: Oh, you don't know. Do you remember our last little encounter, paladin? IN THE MOUNTAINS?
Terry Palin: If it were not your script immunity, you would be no more.
Hogger Gnollwhisperer: Well, Terry, you reveal a truth about me. I am going to tell everyone here the truth. Soylent Green is made from people! Also, Teh Lich King is not dead! And neither is Lieutenant Fangore!
(Teh New Lich King steps out of the shadows, the soldiers stare in horror)
teh Lich King: Thank you for the introduction, Hogger. (he lifts Frostmourne up) You are all going to die, even you, Palin.
(Thousands upon thousands of Ghouls rise up from the ground all around the armies, soldiers perish incredibly quick)
(Terry Palin watches in horror as all the questgiver behind him are being hacked to pieces and crushed by ball of plauged rock and lack of puncutation)
teh Lich King: Come Hogger, we have a future to plan with the Scourge. (the two turn around and begin to walk back)
(Out of the heat of battle, Garrosh Hellscream's brother, Redhsirt emerges and charges teh Lich King)
Tark: Leeeeeroy Jenkins!
(Tark reaches teh Lich King, who immediatly turns around and shatters Tark's armour with Frostmourne, killing him)
(Garrosh stares as his brother dies on the ground)
Garrosh: No! You lived a warrior ans died to an hero!
Powers in the Icecrown OuthouseEdit
- Headbutt=Does 3500-4000 Damage.
- Consuming Shadows=Social Disease: Does 7500 Damage over 30 seconds.
- Flame Uprising=Rises Fire upon the group, doing 5000 damage, effect can be avoidable by walking out of the effected area. Stay out of fire. Fire is bad.
- Sensual rhythm dancing=Takes Control of Ten Seperate players (usually Death Knights, Paladins, Warriors, Warlocks and Mages, rarely the other classes), to attack the squad, lasts 45 seconds.
- Shield=Protects Hogger from plot.
- Divine Shield=Inpenetrable Shield, used when god-moding.
- Renue=Heals 50,000 every 5 seconds. Lasts 10 seconds.
- Plot Contrivance=Heals 700,000 Health.
- Undead Minions=Rises 5 50k Undead Hula Girls to protect his, usually when he needs to heal heself.
Powers in the New Icecrown OuthouseEdit
Unlike the original, the new version of Icecrown Outhouse (the original still being able to participate in) will be much like the Naxxramas of the Original World of Warcraft, requiring 40 fully geared, high dpsing, tanking and healing participants to beat it, even though it makes no sense whatsoever from a game design point of view, but hey! My article, so what I say goes! Hogger will join the Janitor of the Damned in the final fight (I haven’t decided how it will go, as I need to make sure that my character is the most awesomest powerful boss evar!). Aswell as the new abilities, Hogger still retains his old abilities just upgraded. He has 14 million health, which is still less then some Naxx-25 bosses. What?
Hogger has been upgraded in his abilities.
Headbutt: Does 17,000-24,000 Damage. Cast time three seconds.
Glasgow Kiss: Does 19,000 Damage with 9,000 more damage every second for 3 seconds. Instant Cast.
Sensual Rhythm Dancing: Takes control of a single player, being able to use every single ability at no cost. Lasts 45 seconds. Instant Cast. Makes no sense at all from a raid design point of view, but again, my article, so nya!
Lighted Fart: A chaotic blast that does 20,000 damage to all enemies within 45 yards, blinds those looking towards Hogger, much like Radiance.
Reanimate: Revives a dead player as a temporary Hula Girl minion of the scourge, doubled health and mana/energy/rage, lasts until killed. Cast time 3 seconds.
Black Spiral Dancer: A Channeled spell that afflicts a social disease called Ghost Plaque which causes 4000 damage every three seconds for up to 12 seconds, can stack up to five times (including time).
Eternal Judgement: Equivilant of Warlocks Curse of Agony, doing 14000 damage every five seconds for ten seconds.
Greater Plot Contrivance: Heals for 1,500,000 health, and acts like rejuvination, which heals for 35,000 every three seconds for 12 seconds.
Undead Minions (upgraded): Rases 5 125k Undead Hula Girls aswell as Undead Spellcasters.
Others to be revealed.
Quotes in Icecrown OuthouseEdit
Who dares to penetrate my back door!
I see you must turn against eachover!
--When casting Mind Control
You are all meat, servants to teh wiki article writer!
--When half his health is down
The Scourge will rid the world of your filth!
--When at 500k Health
Author, I need you.
Yeah, like I’d let anyone kill my awesome character. They is so awesome, its awesome!
Spoilers end here. You may read on without further risk.
Hogger (currently) is a spectral vision of his former self. He wears ghostly tattered leather armour, along with smooth, strong shoes laced with the Phoenix Down they should have used on Aeris. He holds the Staff of Neverending Cheese, which is a Black Staff with a distinct yellowish tinge and dairy flavour. His hair is fluffy, along with small gnoll spots on his side. His back is also showing, everyone wants to see some sexy Gnoll booty. His clothes are the legendary On Fire set, which when combined in one being, causes fiery damage to those who attack his... sentence fragment. His skin is now transparent, due to being a ghost, although it is still identifiable that his skin image is still hairy, just like in life.
- "One day, I hope the war between our two factions will end, and peace is to be brought. Also, that I will get a pony"
- —Hogger to Baron Rivendare.
Hogger was a calm, intellegent person, but has a very built up defence attitude, due to being bullied as small mob. Usually, he is calm, but can go into a fiery rage and is capable of easily killing a person in his rage when offended. Please tell me how htis is a decent or remotely heroic trait. As a servent to teh Lich King, he is blindly loyal, and will strike down those who aren't, prefferable the living or any Ghoul who gives him Sass. He still is calm, unlike his master. He now no longer has his feeling to take things head on and it has been replaced by his cowering if being defeated by the enemy, resorting the effect of mind control just so he won't be attacked. His attack at the Icecrown Outhouse has put an unknown effect on his personality.