We may need you to play Twing-Twang
Lucille Rayvenwind didn't like Dun Morogh. She would have happily pointed that fact out to anyone who was willing to listen to her whine about it for several hours while she described every last thing she didn't like about it. However, the fact that it was cold, and the fact that it was full of Dwarves were probably the two main reasons why she didn't like Dun Morogh.
However, for the moment, it suited her purposes to be here. So she was.
She had chosen to come to this house in Dun Morogh for a number of reasons, all of which were aimed at furthering her own goals - goals that the small-minded morons of the Dragon Warriors would not understand at all, and as a consequence forced her to act outside of their organisation. The truth was, of course, that nobody within the order understood her. In fact, nobody at all understood her, which was what made her important.
However, today she would take the first steps in rectifying this situation.
"Its really, ready cold in here." The other girl in the room began as she placed another log on the fire. "Anyone would think that the door was wide open or something. Why did we have to come here, Lucille?"
"There's a reason why, Aubrie." Lucille replied, glancing back at the other girl. A little taller then Lucille, she had fair skin and long, straight, beautiful blonde hair. It served as a stark contrast to Lucille's sickly white tone and black hair that hung limply about her shoulders. A year or two younger then Lucille, she had first met Aubrie in Stormwind, taking an immediate interest in the novice priestess.
While also a priestess, Lucille's eyes had been opened to greater powers and mysteries, ones that far outstripped trhe meager powers that the Church of the Light preached. And she wanted to share those secrets - and so much more - with the young novice. That was why she had bought her here to this place as a way of beginning her education.
"Well couldn't we do this somewhere else?" She asked. "Like in Stormwind or something?"
"There are those who would not approve of what I would do." Lucille explained. "That is hwy we are here. You do want to leanr, don't you?"
"Well, yes." She sulkily rpelied as she prodded the fire. "Just... maybe not in such a cold place."
Lucille shook her head as she turned towards the novice. "Well, we'll warm it up a little in a while. You'll get used to-"
"Excusing me!" A loud voice boomed out.
Lucille looked up to see a figure standing at the entrance to the house. Far taller and broader then the two women, he was clearly not human. Instead, he had blue skin, a ridged forehead and what appeared to be tentacles hanging from his chin. As he strode into the room, his backwards cantering legs, cloven hooves and long tail also became apparent. Lucille recongised him as being a Draenei, a member of the unusual race that had recently arrived on Azeroth and joined the alliance.
"Can-" She began, caught a little off-balance by the sudden appearance of this figure. "Can I help you?"
"Ah yes! You are being able to help indeed!" He replied in a boisterous tone. "In fact, help is one of reasons why I am beign here."
Lucille blinked, not sure with how to deal with this sudden interruption. Just help him and send him on his way, you fool. She thought to herself, figuring through the best plan to get things on track as swiftly as possible. "Then how can I help you?"
"I am admitting it is very embarrassing problem I am having." The Draenei explained, clearly unfamiliar with the common Azerothian tonge. "In fact, for one who follows the way of the Elements, I am proving to being most unused to nature."
"You follow the Elements?" Aubrie piped up, looking up from the fire. "You're a shaman."
"Yes I am." He explained. "I am using powers of elements for healing and the making of asplosions." There was a noticeably proud tone in his voice. "I am also able to be creating of totems for a variety of purposes. I am very much liking totems."
"That sounds very interesting. How do they work?" Aubrie asked, a fascinated tone in her voice.
"Well, I am getitng out-"
"What was the problem?" Lucille cut him off, not wanting to keep him here any longer, nor wanting to risk loosing Aubrie's attention.
"Ah!" He beamed, raising a hand. "Well, as I am saying, It is being very embarrasing problem."
"Well, what is it?"
"In fact, I am being almost ashamed to admit it."
"It's all right. I want to help." Lucille continued in a tone that indicated anything but.
"And I am saying to myself, Ohm Tuuron, you are being most silly Shaman. What is elder seer Noboru saying if he is seeing you here?"
"What is it?" She hissed out, trying to keep her anger in check.
"Why Tuuron, you silly Shaman you. You are getting lost in Dwarf home country? Just because you are never seeing snow before?"
"Just get on with it!" Lucille snapped, then glanced around, embarrassed. Aubrie was blushing and seemed more then a little surpised.
Tuuron looked at her, raiding a brow. "Ah yes, where was I being?" He asked.
"You were lost?" Aubrie asked, trying to be helpful.
"Yes! I was being lost!" He replied, then laughed a boisterous laugh. "I am being such a silly person!"
"Well..." Lucille began, trying to regain her composure. "What were you looking for? Maybe we can provide you with directions."
"I am looking for..." He began, then trailed off, waving his hands around. "What is it? I am not sure of right word for it. It is... place."
"Place?" She asked. "How about... Kharanos? Its south-west of here. That's probably where you were headed."
"Hmm... Kharanos... Kharanos..." He rubbed his tentacled chin. "Yes... Kharanos."
"Well there you go." Lucille smiled to herself, glad to be rid of the annoying intrusion.
"I am knowing it was definitely not Kharanos." He confidently stated.
Lucille seemed to visible slump. "Then how about Anvilmar?"
"Hm, that is sounding familiar." He stated. "Where is that being?"
"It's south of Kharanos, in Coldridge Valley. You'll need to pass through a tunnel to get there."
"No, that is not being it either." He stated.
"How about Ironforge then? Is that where you were headed?"
"Ironforge?" The Draenei asked. "That is being big Dwarven city, built into mountain? Has huge forge, Dwarven King, large trade district and Auction House with Dead Tauren?"
"That's it, yes."
"Aha!" He beamed, raiding Lucille's spirits, only to dash them a moment later. "I am just coming from that place. In fact, it was in going from there that I am getting lost, silly me!"
"Then was it Thelsamar?" She asked.
"Hmm... no." He shook his head.
"No, not that either."
"Closer then that, I am thinking."
"The Airport?" Aubrie piped up.
"Not being that."
"Pretty sure not that either."
"Almost certainly positivity not."
"Then what is it?!" Lucille all but screamed at him.
Unphased he held up a hand. "Thing is, I am not knowing your exact word for it. I am still not the bery good with your language, no?" He smirked a little.
"Well then.. .can you describe it?"
"It is..." He waved his hands a bit. "Place where you are purchasing thing."
"Thing?" She raised her pierced brow. "What sort of thing?"
"IT is hard to describe. We are not having thing on Draenor." He Shoot his head. "It is large thing, hairy... it is ramming thing."
"Big hairy ramming... thing?" Lucille blinked in confusion, completely lost.
"Yes, ramming thing."
"Could you mean a riding ram?" Aubrie perked up.
"Aha! Yes! That is being ramming thing!" He then burst out in a raucous peel of laugher. "I am being such a silly Shaman!"
"Well why didn't you say so?" Lucille shouted back. "The damned Ram farm is just a few hundred meters north of here!"
"It is?" He blinked, then laughed again. "Oh, then I am ever so silly! I am standing in this place, asking you the very many questions to find place that was being right next to me! By my non-descript facial appendages I am being so silly!"
"Well then... why don't you go there now then?" Lucille replied, trying to reign in her anger.
"Of course. I shall go there right now!" He nodded, then bowed. "I am thanking you very much for your aid."
"Not at all. I'm always happy to help." Aubry replied with a pleasant smile.
"And I am very sorry for interrupting the Twing-Twang."
"The... what?" Lucille spluttered out.
"Yes." Tuuron nodded. "Twing-Twang. I am sorry I am interrupting you two with it."
"What's... Twing-Twang?" Aubry asked as Lucille glanced at her, a sudden feeling of apprehension.
"Twing-Twang." He replied. "It is... how you say.. well..." He waved his hands in the air again, looking around. "Ah, I am again not knowing your common word for it. How silly of me. But regardless, I shall be letting you getting back to playing the Twing-Twang."
"I don;t think we were... playing... Twing-Twang." Lucille stated. "Young Aubry here was eager to learn more about... matters of priest training. I was merely instructing her."
"Ah, I am seeing." He nodded. "So not Twing-Twang at all."
"Not one bit."
"Very well then!" Tuuron exclaimed. "Now where was I being before we were not discussing the Twing-Twang at all?"
"Going?" Lucille suggested.
"Oh yes, to Ramming place! Very well! I am thanking both of you again." He bowed and, to her relief, turned around and walked out of the house.
She decided to leave things a few moments so that she could regain her composure. Even though that moronic Draenei was merely looking for directions, he had managed to annoy her to more then just a slight degree. Still, that was past her now. She would wait, calm herself, and then return to the matters at hand.
Glancing at Aubrie again as the girl stood by the fire, she sized her up. Young, eager and full of potential. She'll do just perfectly, really. Lucille couldn't help but grin to herself at her own brilliance. A few kind words here and there, a few subtle suggestions, and the young priestess was all hers.
"Now, Aubrie..." She began as she turned back to her blonde companion. "As I was saying..."
She paused in her tracks, then turned back to the house's doorway. Standing there was Tuuron, again. Before she could do or say anything, the Dranei walked down the stars again towards the pair of them, a happy smile upon his face.
"Aha! It is good to be seeing you both again!" He called out.
"You left, maybe, five minutes ago." Lucille commented.
"I know. But I was on my way back from ramming place, when I am thinking to myself, 'those two young women who were not playing Twing-Twang at all were being very helfpul to you Tuuron. Maybe on your way back from Ramming Place, you should be dropping by to be offering them some sort of thanking yous for all their efforts to be getting a silly lost Shaman to Ramming Place in the first place, especially when it is being so obvious that you are being so near, yet, as we are saying, so far away'." He paused, then nodded as if agreeing with himself.
Lucille was dumbfounded. The best she could manage was a slight "guh" before he started up again.
"So I am saying thank you to two helpful young woman who are helping this very silly Shaman to find his way to ramming place that he was completely unable to find even though it was being right next to him all along. And also for you to be so polite to one who is being so very, very silly in his being easily lost as to steer him in the direction of much obviousness."
Does he even breathe? Lucille asked herself, still unable to speak.
"Think nothing of it, Mr Tuuron." Aubrie replied, albeit a little wearily. "It's always a pleasure to help someone else."
He bowed. "And it is being pleasure to meet such a nice and polite person as you who is being so kind to one so silly as me."
"You're not silly at all."
He laughed again. "If I am not being silly, why am i not able to find Ramming place?" He shook his head. "Oh, Tuuron, you are not able to find your own Crzjgwldic with a map!"
"Crzjgwldic?" She asked, while Lucille seemed to be waving her hands franticly.
"It is body part, name... not sure if translates because you humans are not having one..." He rubbed his tentacled chin. "I think term I am looking for, rough equivalent.. .I thinking it is being rotunda."
"Well now that you've found the Rammin- ram farm, there's no reason for you to hang around here." Lucille stated. "So why don't you get going to do your... shaman stuff."
"Excelement idea!" He shouted out. "Very well. I am again thanking you and leaving you to the Twing-Twang that you are not doing." He bowed again and marched up the stairs.
Lucille sighed to herself and turned back to Aubrie, who was quietly stoking the fire. "It's still too cold in here." Aubrie sighed.
"We really need to do something about that door." Lucille muttered.
"Aha! I am thinking that I am finding source of heating problem then!" Tuuron's voice bellowed out, causing her to all but jump out of her skin. With a considerable degree of apprehension, she turned back to the doorway, only to find Tuuron standing there, one hand in the air.
"What?! You again?!" She gasped out.
"Yes, it is being I." He agreed. "And just as I am leaving, I am hearing your comment. And then it is getting me thinking, and i am going 'Aha! There is being source of problem! By the geometric head of O'ros, you are being very clever Shaman after all, Tuuron!' Thus I am returning here to aid you with most severe problem indeed."
"What problem?" Aubrie asked.
"The one you are commenting on as I am leaving."
"You mean... that its so cold?"
"Yes, that is being root issue I am thinking."
"And then... what have you discovered?"
"Problem is being door to this house." He explained.
"What's wrong with it?"
"Nothing is being wrong with door proper." He started. "Well, nothing being save for fact that door is missing from doorway."
"You... what?" Lucille spluttered.
"Your door, it is not being there." He explained. "It is being gone. It is vanished. It has been removed. It is no longer there."
"But... butt..." She spluttered out, trying to fogire out what was going on. "But..."
"There is being empty doorway with conspiucously door-shaped hole in it, but not being door proper at all." He continued. "Thus door is gone."
"You are joking." Lucille finally managed. "This is a joke, right?"
"If I am joking, then I would be saying 'A Murloc, a Gnoll and Kil'jaden are walking into a tavern...'" He began. "But since I am not being joking, then I am to assue you that door is indeed being misisng."
"Um, he's right, Lucille." Aubrie commented, glancing past the massive Draenei. "There's nothing there, save for an empty doorway."
"But... but... how?"
"It is interesting. One moment you are being snug and secure in nice warm house getitng ready to do somehting that is not at all Twing-Twang." Lucille twitched again. "The next, there is being no door at all and you are being very cold in here."
"Hey Lucille..." Aubrie spoke up. "Maybe if there's no door, then we shouldn't stay here."
"No!" She snapped. "We will be fine! We will stay here."
"But its very cold-"
"We will stay here!" She repeated, all but shouting at her companion.
"...okay." Aubrie squeaked out.
"We just need to fix this door, that's all." Lucille continued, trying to regain her compsure.
"Hmm... you are needing to be fixing door." Tuuron spoke up, glancing around. "And unfortunately, I am not being door fixing man." He shook his head, then chuckled again. "Silly, silly Tuuron. You are being able to craft wonderful dohickies from out of bits of miscellaneous debris, but simple wood door is being beyond you!" He burst out into another round of raucous laughter.
"Well surely someone can fix or replace the door." Aubrie continued.
"Stupid ram farm should take better care of its stupid property." Lucille muttered. "Look after their own damn door."
"Well why don't we ask them?" Aubrie spoke up.
"Well..." She looked around. She didn't really want to leave right now. If she left, then Aubrie might get distracted or, even worse, begin getting along with the irritating Shaman. On the other hand, if she didn't leave, then they wouldn't be able to get the warmth and comfort that she needed. She furrowed her brow in anger and frustration, trying to think her way through this.
"A very good question. Someone should be telling them." Tuuron continued.
Aha! That's it! I kill two birds with one stone! She spun around and pointed at the Shaman. "You, Draenei!" She snapped. "Go up there and speak with someone - anyone, I don't care - and get them to come down here and replace their damned door!" There! That fixes the door and gets rid of him at the same time! Genius!
Tuuron slapped his ridged forehead. "Of course! By the seven Ata'mai crystals, that is being a most excelement idea! I am setting off right away to be going to inform Ramming man of door situation!"
"Thank you, sir." Aubrie nodded.
"No need to wait. Go now! This is important!" Lucille urged, a frantic edge in her voice.
"Of course! I be going right away to ramming man!" He bowed. "Again, I am leaving you to resume the situation that was at hand, Twing-Twang or not." Lucille twitched again.
With a bow, the Dranei turned ant marched up the stairs and out the door. Lucille waited until he was out of sight before even daring to move or say anything, afraid that even the slightest comment would bring him back, like some sort of fel summoning ritual. She carefully counted out in her mind how long it would take to reach the farm, waiting until it was well past before doing anything.
"Lucille?" Aubrie spoke up, more then a little nervous and weary.
"Not now." She waved her hand away. "Come on, come on..." She mentally counted off the minutes, waiting until she was confident that the Shaman was long gone. "There." She turned back to her blonde companion, managing a forced smile. "Unfortunately, it will remain cold until they can replace the door."
"Then maybe we should g-" Aubrie began, but was cut off.
"We will continue your lesson, regardless!" She replied, a triumphant tone in her voice. "However..." She grinned. "Maybe we should be a little... closer to share warmth until the door can be replaced."
"Aha! That is being a most excelement idea!"
With a look that could only be described as abject fear, Lucille turned to the doorway, almost dreading what may be there. her worst suspicious were confirmed as she saw the from of the Draenei shaman looming over her, like some vast predatory bird hovering over its prey. For a moment, she realised the true power and terror that the demonic Eredar possessed, and wondered, if in some way, that this Shaman may not actually be one of them, sent on some bizarre mission to spread chaos and terror.
"A little warmth is being good idea for dealing with cold place." He continued as he entered. "Maybe I could be using flameshock and asplode some wood, make it all crispy burnsauce and heat place up very good."
"Wha..." Lucille managed.
"And then that is making place more suitable for needs." He glanced around and shook his head. "Of course, place isn't really that suitable to begin with. I mean, is made of stone and suited for peoples far shorter then you!" he laughed loudly. "So maybe cold is not being primary concern after all; you should be being more concerned with short tables!"
"So I am wandering why you are not having Twing-Twang lessons - wait, they are not being Twing-Twang at all, silly me - in some place more warm! It is not making sense to me. But then, is likely some deeper meaning and wisdom that I am being missing, being the silly, silly shaman that I am."
"I mean, is being cold enough here already, but without door, is being too cold for normal human peoples, I am thinking." he continued, apparently talking just for the sake of it. "I mean, even if you were playing Twing-Twang, not that you were, it would still be too cold. In fact, I am suspecting that it would be too cold even for Twing-Twang."
"Twing... twang?" She weakly spluttered out.
"And as such, I had to often wonder what you were being doing here. I mean, it is not human place, is Dwarf place! Is place for people how are being short and airy, which neither of are being, unless you hare having severe and unpleasant body hair issue which I am not wanting to dwell on and I am suspecting that neither of you are wanting to as well."
"Bu- wh- gu-"
"Um, Lucille?" Aubrie spoke up.
"He's right, um, its really cold here, and I'm tired and I've gotten quire a headache." She continued. "So, um, I think I'll justly eave now, okay? Maybe we can get back to this some other time, if I have a chance."
"Bu- gu- wha-"
Aubrie nodded and walked past her and the Shaman lurking in the doorway. "Um, I will let you know when it's a good time for me, Lucille. Yeah." She nodded again, as if reassuring herself. "When it's good for me." With that, she wrapped her cloak around herself and stepped out into the bitterly cold Dun Morogh snow.
"It is being very nice to meeting you!" Tuuron called after her, before turning back to Lucille. "She was being very nice and polite person. It is being pity that she was having to go."
"You... you... you..." Lucille wanted to scream and demand that Aubrie come back here immediately. Instead, all she could manage were a few impotent splutters. She literally couldn't think of what to say, her mind snapped at the sheer wall of words he was slamming out, and the masterful way in which he had undermined her.
"So, I guess that there is no Twing-Twang at all then."
"In that case, I suppose that I should be leaving as well." He nodded. "It has been most pleasure to be meeting you."
"Uh, yes. Yes, you should go. You should go now." Relief seems to flood into her voice at the thought of not only him leaving, but of her never ever seeing him again.
"In that case, I shall be bidding you of many-" he paused. "Oh, there is being one more thing! Just, one more thing"
"What is it?" She nervously asked.
"In all this pomp and ceremony, I am forgetting reason why I came back here!" he laughed again. "Oh, I am sillier then a Lost One full of Ragveil!"
"To be telling you that Ramming man knows about missing door and will come along and fix it at some point." he looked around. "IF you are wanting, I could be waiting here with you until then."
"No! No! Please no! That's fine! I'll be perfectly fine here on my own! Just go!"
"But of course. But before I go-"
"What is it?!"
"I am wishing you blessing in language of my own people." He finished, then coughed. "You are corrupted by the taint of the Shadow. If I catch you near that young girl again, I will personally destroy you."
"Why, um, thank you, mister Tuuron." She managed, seeming visibly relived.
"And I am meaning it too. Until then, faring well!" he bowed, waved, and stepped out the door, whistling a tune to himself. Inside, Lucille slumped to the floor, sighing in a mixture of disappointment that her plans had been foiled, and relief that she would hopefully never see the Draenei again.
Nearby, a pair of gnome children were having fun with their new toy. They had no idea why the big blue spaceman had given them a door. They just knew that it made for an awesome sled.
- The story was based on a spontaneous RP event done in Dun Morogh. Lucille and Aubrie's roles were "inspired" by the original players, but do not necessarily represent them. The original players know who they are.