Zrelo, Saviour of Azeroth
Written by Zrelo
Published by The Relogear Literary Society
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This book I dedicate to myself, Zrelo, because I am great!
Chapter I: The Glorious Zrelo Gloriously Accepts to Help the Helpless World from a Villainous Threat that Threatens itEdit
The dashingly handsome gnomish swashbuckler extraordinaire Zrelo, the best fighter Azeroth has ever seen, sat at home on his golden, jewel-encrusted throne in his luxurious mansion in Dun Morogh, an abode suitable for such a splendrous individual, when suddenly, there was a knock on the door. He went to open it, using the extraordinarily ingenious mechanism that he created himself that allows the door to vanish into an extradimensional space. Outside the gates to the noble mansion was none other than Magni Bronzebeard, King of Ironforge, gravely wounded by fel magic.
"You must help us, Zrelo!", he told the magnificent gnome. "Sargeras has been summoned in Stormwind, and all our heroes have fallen! You are our last hope!"
With supreme elegance in his splendrous voice, the handsome swashbuckling champion answered with a soothing promise:
"Do not worry, King Bronzebeard, I will take care of this threat for you. Sargeras is no match for me, the greatest champion alive. With my enormous skill in battle and my vastly superior intellectual capacity, I will take care of the Legionlord for you. Just like my earlier foes, this one will also inevitably perish by my hand."
Splendrous Zrelo gestured with his noble hand towards the wall, where several trophies had been placed on display: Illidan's warglaives, the Lich King's helmet, Deathwing's head, Ragnaros's hammer, Neptulon's trident, Xavius's horns, Kil'jaeden's necklace, and many more spoils of the endless victories of the unrelenting yet noble gnomish paragon who had made it his foremost goal in life to eradicate all evil from the universe.
"Oh, thank you, great lord!", Magni replied, obviously relieved to have been granted the help of Zrelo. "For this, I will give you Throne of Ironforge! Lord Zrelo, I humbly abdicate. All hail King Zrelo of the dwarves!"
As he said this, High Tinker Mekkatorque also entered the scene, kneeling before the new dwarf-king.
"When I heard you say you will help us, Lord Zrelo," the old gnome said. "I, too, felt greatly exalted! Oh, what a pleasure it is to have you by our side! For this, I now crown you King of the Gnomes! All hail King Zrelo of the dwarves and the gnomes."
Magnificent Zrelo grinned a golden grin of splendour. "All hail me," he said nobly, as he heroically leaped into his ornate and masterfully crafted (by his own hand, of course) flying machine. With unrivalled haste, the newly-ascended King flew towards the scene of the battle, and before long, he hovered over the burning Stormwind, and the nefarious wicked being of vile evil that towered above it ready for the killing blow. Below his fell hooves were the dying and dead heroes of the Alliance and the Horde, all of them utterly ineffective against the raging Dark Titan. Daringly heroic, Zrelo threw himself out of his vehicle towards the ground, thinking not about his own safety, but instead of the poor inhabitants of the besieged city below him, for such is the nobility and grace of Zrelo.
Chapter II: Magnificent and Graciously Handsome Zrelo Saves the World from Seemingly Unstoppable Destruction (Yet Again)Edit
With a ferocious crash, brave Zrelo impacted with the ground. Totally unharmed, of course, the always incredibly glorious gnomish swashbuckler shook off the dust, and went to face the vicious beast. On the way to the creature, he encountered the fallen heroes Tirion Fordring and the warchief Thrall, both near death.
"Zrelo!", Fordring exclaimed with relief. "How glad I am that you are here! Here, take the Ashbringer, it will help you!"
"You will need the Doomhammer, too!", Thrall said, but the elegant and gracious swashbuckling hero magnificently shook his handsome head.
"That will not be necessary," he nobly declined. I will slay this villainous monstrosity with my own two hands alone!"
"Oh, how I wish I was as mighty and competent as you!", Thrall told him. "When this is over, I will make you the next Warchief of the Horde!"
"And I will make you the new Highlord of the Argent Crusade!", Fordring exclaimed.
Dashing Zrelo smiled a shining smile. "Why wait? Of course, that does not matter much, as I will have slain Sargeras within the next few minutes, anyway. Well, see you then. Goodbye for now."
As the two heroes looked in awe and envy at their greatest hero, the amazing gnome himself leaped straight from the ground, all the way up to the demon-lord's head, and with hardly any effort at all, the always grandious Zrelo snapped the beast's neck. With a heavy thud, defeated Sargeras fell, and when the dust had settled, Zrelo stood victorious upon it's deceased head. Once again, he was victorious, that mighty and awesome gnome. But was there really any doubt?
Chapter III: The Saviour Zrelo is Rightfully Rewarded for His Spectacular Deed of Righteousness and HonorEdit
The very next morning, Zrelo stood in front of an enormous crowd in Stormwind, which he had rebuilt overnight all by himself. King Varian Wrynn walked up to him, and spoke to the people:
"People of Stormwind! Sargeras has been slain, and the person responsible for this stunning achievement of glory is, as always, Lord Zrelo, our eternal saviour! For this, I now pronounce him King of Stormwind and leader of the Alliance! Any objections?"
Speaking as one, the crowd shouted a great "No! Of course not!", and then, when Varian had placed the crown on the gnome supreme's noble head, "All hail Zrelo, our master! May he live forever!"
After this, Jaina Proudmoore of Theramore and Tyrande Whisperwind of the night elves came up to Zrelo. They both kneeled before the gnome, and Jaina sensually asked her hero: "Will you marry us, oh great Emperor Zrelo? We both are greatly impressed by your heroics, and we want to be yours forever."
"Of course," great Zrelo replied to this question of love. "I will gladly take your hands in marriage. You both deserve the best, and that is, of course, me."
The girls giggled. "Oh, Zrelo," they both said sensually. As Zrelo walked off into the distance with the two voluptous vixens at his arms, the former faction leaders enviously watched, and they all had the same thought in their minds:
What a guy.